I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
