Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
