When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize