It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pants are for mortals
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
