hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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