I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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