#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
