Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
