that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
