She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize