from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
