i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
