When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
