honey bunches of taint.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
