Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
