Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
