I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
