If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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