im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize