I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
