i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
