Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
