This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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