I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was CRYING into my vagina
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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