So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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