Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
