Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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