he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
