he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
