I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
