I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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