Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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