forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize