You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize