You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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