Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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