Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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