You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
