i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
