He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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