There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
