i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize