UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
