My room smells like vodka and shame
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
