Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
