i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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