I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
