they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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