omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
