i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
