just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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