I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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