Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
