My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
be right there i have to get my cape
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
