I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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