i permit you to call me
Do you still have your period?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
