Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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