it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize