Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
