Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Randomize
