she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
