i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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