He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
