Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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