I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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