Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
