I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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