You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
