i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
