Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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