Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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