It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
