he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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