listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
