I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
