Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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