woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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