I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize