Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize