They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Randomize