If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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