Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
