I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
