Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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