Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
