recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
