If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
