i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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