11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
