Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
