we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
