My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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