kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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