i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
