i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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