the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
