I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
