She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
